Last week I went to London for a couple of nights with my husband.  The main reason for the trip was to see Raye at the O2, but we thought we might as well go a day early and make more of it.  We had a last minute change of plan in terms of where we were staying because the new hotel I had booked wasn’t ready in time.  Instead I booked an apartment in which we have stayed previously.  It worked out well in the end as we now have a two-night complimentary stay at the hotel to book for a future date – result!  The plan was for my husband to cook for us on the first night; something he hasn’t done for a long time and which would prove a bit of a ‘behavioural experiment’ for me to sit back with a glass of wine and leave him to it. 

All in all, I had a fantastic time.  Firstly, Raye was incredible and I was very aware and appreciative of feeling ‘present’ and being able to truly lose myself in the performance.  Secondly, we followed a couple of recommendations from friends for areas to visit that we have never been to before and we were not disappointed. In addition, I didn’t take my exercise kit or get up ridiculously early each morning and sneak out of the apartment to be at the gym as soon as it opened.  On the second morning I even got up to do some yoga, decided I couldn’t be bothered, and went back to bed.  What a win!!!!

Without doubt, throughout the stay, I recognised a huge positive shift in the thoughts, emotions, behaviours and physical sensations that I experienced.  What it did highlight however was the work I still have to do.  What follow are a selection of the conflicting thoughts I acknowledged over the two days. Not just isolated, one off thoughts; no, these bad boys were on repeated repeat! These suggest to me that anorectic cognitions remain; I am not yet rewired.  However, they are significantly reduced from what they were. Keep this in mind and imagine such thoughts at least 10 fold, and it will hopefully give a flavour of how absolutely exhausting and all consuming even the simplest of decisions can be for someone suffering from an eating disorder.