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  • YOU

    Yes you, the one who can’t stop thinking about food but can’t eat it either, the one who won’t sit still, the one living in the fog, the numb one, the exhausted one, the irritable one, the angry one, the one wetting yourself, the one who just wants it all to go away…..Perhaps all of… Read more

  • MANTENANCE OR RECOVERY?

    I can recall speaking to others after I’d been diagnosed with anorexia, whilst deliberating over treatment options, and admitting that I’d probably had an eating disorder for a long time.  I thought it was something that would always be there, but I was accepting of needing help at that moment in time so that I… Read more

  • WHOA THERE, STEADY ON

    It’s a jigsaw puzzle this recovery lark.  The starting piece has to be the food.  Whichever school of thought you subscribe to in terms of how eating disorders develop, I think it makes sense that food needs to be the starting point for recovery.  The brain needs to be well nourished to enable the deep… Read more

  • SHUT THE FUCK UP

    I’m not entirely comfortable with the concept of an ‘ED voice’ and it’s not a term that I use readily (ED = eating disorder). I do not hear voices inside my head.  I’m not psychotic or schizophrenic, nor do I have a shoulder imp whispering negative words into my ear. I’ve frequently heard it said… Read more

  • GO FORTH NAKED

    Maybe not stark naked.  I mean, if you have the body confidence to do so, then kudos to you and I’m jealous! No, I mean without the mask. One of my key observations worth noting this week has been linked to my upcoming return to work.  In many ways, I am excited, and I spoke… Read more

  • “JUST GET READY FI WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK”

    I love my job.  Not many people can say that and so I feel lucky that I genuinely enjoy what I do.  I was devastated at the thought of having to take time off for treatment after being diagnosed with anorexia. Since returning from a career break, in 2015, I had not had a single… Read more

  • PIZZA

    I have been following a ‘prescribed’ meal plan since commencing treatment for anorexia 18 weeks ago.  I was more than a little resistant initially for various reasons: I didn’t need a meal plan because I wasn’t anorexic of course, I know how to eat I just wasn’t doing so, I know what constitutes a balanced… Read more

  • THOUGHTS FROM A WEEKEND AWAY

    Last week I went to London for a couple of nights with my husband.  The main reason for the trip was to see Raye at the O2, but we thought we might as well go a day early and make more of it.  We had a last minute change of plan in terms of where… Read more

  • NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF HOW YOU DEAL WITH A SMASHED PLATE

    I painted a plate a couple of weeks ago. I had a lovely time doing so with some of my fellow patients from my treatment programme. It had been a ‘mindful’ social get together where we painted a pottery item of our choice whilst chatting and incorporating our ‘prescribed’ morning snack and drink.  I chose… Read more

  • THE GREAT DECLINE OF 2025

    I have understood for some time that my behaviours around food and exercise have served as coping strategies during times of challenge, providing me with a sense of control and achievement.  I spoke about this in my previous post ‘WHY?’ and about how through treatment, I have come to better understand how these behaviours, alongside… Read more